Sub Drop and Aftercare


Sub Drop can come in many different forms. Sub Drop is the emotional and physical effects of the release and drop of endorphins in the body after a play session. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produced a trance-like state (subspace), as play ends the #submissive may feel out-of-body, detached from reality. As the sub's system stops producing morphine-like drugs, and as the nervous system kicks in again, the sub may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop in temperature, as well as incoherence and uncoordinated.


Drop can also happen if play is stopped abruptly. #BDSM #play is a very vulnerable experience for people. It often involves exposing one's inner-self in ways that one has never before done. Sometimes, inexperienced #Tops will begin BDSM play, and then abruptly terminate a #scene and walk away. This can leave the abandoned sub in a very down state - feeling that they engaged their sense of trust to allow a Top to play with them, and that the Top simply let them splatter on the ground.


If not cared for, you could go into depression just from one play session. The #endorphins and other #hormones released during play leave your body in such a way that it takes time to rebuild the balance of hormones in your system. You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of #SubDrop for weeks after an intense session.


There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.

  • Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.

  • Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.

  • Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.

  • Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.

  • Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.


#Aftercare, at its most basic, simply involves the willingness to continue being there with your play partner for a sufficient time period that they can feel safe, regain their emotional equilibrium, and no longer feel the need to cling to you. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive. If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the obvious dimensions of the scene.


Food or drink after play can be important: Water or sports-type drinks to re-hydrate, or juice to provide simple sugars. Eating some chocolate after play is recommended by some, as the opiate and cannabinoid effects of chocolate are similar to those of subspace, allowing a more gradual transition, and chocolate also contains several stimulants that can make mental processes feel more alert.


Continuing to help the transition, especially if going home alone after play, some people find that assembling "aftercare supplies" helps them continue to land gently after they arrive home. Relaxing music, comfort objects, scented candles, bubble baths, favorite books or movies, incense, and other forms of self-pampering serve to continue to remind people that they are special and cared for, allowing them to bask in the gradually fading fires of their flight into subspace.


The emotions that can surface during and after play are necessary to address. Don’t keep them bottled up. Write them down, talk about them and keep open communication with your partner. They can help you get through your feelings. Several of the things in the Aftercare kit are meant to help you establish that connection. A notebook to write your feelings down, a phone card to call your partner (if they are long distance), a letter from your partner telling you how they feel about you and perhaps even a voice recording. Call up some friends and get out, if you have lifestyle friends they too can help you recover from sub drop.


© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi