2019 Reflections and 2020 Goals


Welcome to a new year and a new decade! I know I’m a few days late posting my end of year article, but things have been hectic in our lives. As I say, better late than never!

Before I get into my goals and plans for #2020, let’s take a look back at #2019.


My website, www.michellefegatofi.org, turned one year old! It’s been growing steadily ever since I moved from a blogger based platform to my own site. While I didn’t post every single week last year, I hope you found the articles informative and helpful.


With the growth of my #site, I got a greater number of messages asking for advice on various things, and some of those people just needed a person to talk to. If you need advice or someone just to #listen, contact me through my site or email michellefegatofi@gmail.com. I will answer as soon as I can.


In previous years, I have been an avid #participant in many #Lifestyle groups, but circumstances and trends developed during the beginning of 2019 and continued throughout the year that had me questioning my current and future participation in online forums. While I did comment and post sometimes, I mainly stayed in the background and observed what others posted and commented on.


I noticed the troubling inclination of people starting arguments with those that had opposing opinions. I saw a record number of people saying #NMK (not my kink) is #kink shaming, which is ridiculous. Writing NMK on a post is a polite way of saying “if you like it and it’s consensual, ok then. I’m not into it but I respect your choice.” Those that are trying to push or promote NMK as shaming should honestly be banned from groups if they continue this road. This type of behavior promotes problems within groups.


I discovered the lifestyle being reduced to wild #sex or play versus an actual #relationship. The majority of questions asked were about sex #toys, sex #positions, or many other subjects all centered around sex. While I understand and know there are many dynamics that are strictly sex based, there are many others that involve love, #respect, #understanding, and caring. It was hard to read all the posts people asked without asking where do feelings and emotions rank? How do they deal with the mental aspect of dominance and submission? No matter how much sexual #play you have, the mental and emotional sides are always present.


2019 brought an increased derisive tone for those that practiced a more Old Guard or traditional approach to BDSM. It almost felt as if the new age #practitioners were trying to wage a war on the OG. It may sound a little ridiculous, but many that have practiced the Lifestyle a long time felt this way. Anytime we commented or corrected misinformation on a label/title/role, we would come under attack from multiple sources. It got to the point where many of the #OG left groups all together or just stopped participating. I asked myself was it worth the stress and aggravation that could happen if I answered questions. That’s why I observed more than participated.


This year, I decided to continue to write and comment from my own belief standpoint and not get discouraged from those who may disagree with my writings. I will continue to write more articles from my experience and OG perspectives.


I’m working on a new basics book for new or beginning Dominants. I hope to publish it by the summer. I am also playing around with the idea of branching out into the realm of fiction, but not BDSM based genres. We shall see if that gets off the ground later in the year.

From a personal standpoint, many achievements were accomplished in 2019. I finally got a divorce from my ex after 8 years of him denying me. My Padrone Marco and I are getting married in February.

I have continued on with my health and wellness journey. I am proud to say that I completed every monthly challenge set by my apple watch from April to December. I’m hoping to complete every monthly challenge in 2020.


If you have followed my social media sites over the years, you may have noticed my ever changing hair colors and styles. After our wedding, I’m planning to go all natural this year with my hair. In March, I will be getting a very short pixie cut and letting it grow from there. I am not going to color it and will embrace whatever color comes in, including the grey.

I want to give a special thanks for all of my supporters and welcome to those that may have just joined.

I hope that 2019 wrapped up well for you. Remember that this is a new year and the future is what you make of it.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2020.

© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi