© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi

A&A Topics - Checking Sub's Tasks, Submissive or Slave, and Talking during Sex


This week's topics are "Dominant's checking a submissive's tasks", "Am I submissive or slave", and "Talking during sex".


Question #1) "Should a #Dom check with the #submissive if the #chore #list is done or is it the subs responsibility to check in?"


It depends on the couple. Some #Dominants like to #micromanage their subs and inspect every part of the chore just to ensure it's done to satisfaction. Others don't trust their subs enough to believe them that they completed all tasks. Some submissives are lazy and really try to get away with cheating or taking shortcuts. These types of submissives need to be micromanaged because they are not trustworthy.


I believe that once trust is built and time together has passed that the submissive will prove herself #trustworthy and the Dominant will know that she has done all the tasks as expected or better. 


Question #2) "Can you tell me if I'm a submissive or a slave?"


I do live as a #consensual #slave with my #Master. I have been in the #BDSM lifestyle for 23 yrs as both sub and slave. I also mentor people new to the #lifestyle. So, speaking from my experience, only you can determine if being a slave is right for you. If someone tells you that you have to be a slave, it is not consensual, therefore not real BDSM, just abuse. You should also understand that many people have different definitions of what a slave is, their #rules, #protocols and #boundaries. It’s up to you and your Dominant to determine what those are. If you fight your Dominant on many things, then you really do not sound like a slave at heart, but could be submissive. 


There are many ways to be a submissive as well. I recommend you reading my blog www.michellefegatofi.org as well as www.submissiveguide.com to further your understanding on subs and slaves. The more you read and research, the more knowledge you gain. If your Dominant keeps saying he wants a slave, but you really aren't slave material, then you need a new Dom. A Dominant is someone that is supposed to guide and nourish you. He should never push or demand that you be something you aren't. If he does, he is not a real dominant, but only a bully or abuser. So, please reevaluate your situation and do some soul searching after you read more about submissives and slaves and what exactly the different roles entail.


Question #3) "I have a problem i need some help with. My girlfriend and I have a happy exciting sex life but I'm not much of a "talker" while we are goin' at it. I know this bugs her. She says I'm like a ninja silent but deadly. I have tried and I think I sound stupid doing so I start laughing putting a damper on the mood. Any ideas what I can do to talk the talk while I'm walking the walk."


Implement a Dominant/sub playtime before actual #penetration. Tell her she can't talk and if she does spank her before resuming. Be dominant and instruct her in different ways to undress, masturbate, touch her body. All without touching her first. Maintain a very authoritative voice. Tie her hands and put her on her knees. Tell her to remain silent and call her yours as you have sex. Tell her that her pussy is your property. Things like this should help.


I hope you found the above topics interesting. If you have any further comments or suggestions, please leave a comment! We love hearing from you. 


If you have questions or want to be a part of Talk Tuesday, send us an email at bdsmunveiled@gmail.com!