A General Guideline for Dominants


A Dominant is a person with a dominant aspect in their personality who needs and chooses to expand on that dominance through a consensual power exchange.

He may only require the power exchange in a limited capacity or may choose to exercise that dominance within a 24/7 #relationship.


I want to talk a little about new #Dominants. Yes, Dominants need training also. Contrary to popular belief by wannabe Doms, they are not born with the knowledge of a #BDSMMaster. Many people that just start out read a lot about different parts of the Lifestyle online and all of a sudden think they know everything. We all have met these people. And we all have laughed them right off our friends list also. 


Before shouting out loud to everyone what a great Dominant you are, go find a #mentor that actually has been around BDSM enough to be able to teach you. There is no shame in a submissive teaching you either. In fact, they will probably give you lots of insight into the inner psychology of the #submissive. You should also try some of the things on yourself to understand what it feels like.


Here is a general guideline for new Dominants:


Be #Humble. Do not strut around and shout out you are a Dominant. You have to earn respect. It is not a given. Be careful to not let your ego kill any chances you might have of building a relationship or getting a new play partner.


Be #Tolerant. You will meet many people on your journey who will be completely different from yourself. Remember, no one was born with the knowledge of how to be a dominant, and only by keeping our minds open, can we expect to better ourselves.


Be #Open. As you start to explore the wide and various world of BDSM, you have to remain open to learning new things and not automatically condemn something that is not to our liking. 


Be #Honest. Always tell the truth. Never lie to your partner or yourself. If you don’t know something (technique or knowledge wise), be honest and admit that. There is no shame in not knowing something. The shame comes in when you hurt someone by performing a scene and you hurt your partner because you didn’t have the training to do it correctly. 


Study, Learn, and #Study Some More. If you have chosen D/s as your lifestyle you must also choose to forever be a student willing to learn.


#Communicate. Talk about everything! It doesn't matter if you are the type of dom who plans out every last move in a scene, one who just wings it and does what feels right at the moment, or somewhere in-between; discuss with your partner things you would like to do and scenes you would enjoy, and encourage your partner to do the same.


Learn from Your Mistakes. Dominants are only human and you will make a mistake here or there. Admit it, #learn from it, and try not to make the same error again.


Remember that you are here to dominate the submissive. Be firm and self-assured. Know what you want and do not apologize for wanting it. State your wants and needs clearly and clarify it should the sub not understand. Discipline transgressions consistently and make sure that you do what you say when you said you would. Use your voice and hand gestures and make sure that rules are established and that they are followed.


You need to make sure that you are physically able to play. For this you need some strength, fitness and agility some times. Make sure that you do not use drugs or alcohol when you play, as you need to be completely aware of the environment and the submissive much more so than she or he needs to be.


Have fun though and enjoy the journey. I am sure these tips will help. These tips are generic though and you will find them all over. Remember that wisdom lies in the oft-repeated phrases.

© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi