BDSM Consensual Slave: Illusion or Reality


A couple of months ago during a Question and Answer session with a #BDSM author in a Facebook group, he kept saying that roles and relationships in BDSM are an illusion, especially that of a BDSM #slave or M/s relationship.


Many of us that actually live everyday life as a BDSM slave took great offense to this. How can someone that is a self proclaimed #Dominant say that? Where is it written that someone else's reality is defined by others that have no clue as to how other people live?


Before I continue, I want to make sure that you understand the definitions of certain key words. An illusion is defined as something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality. Reality is defined as a state of things as they actually exist or a real thing or fact. 


In the BDSM Lifestyle, I define a BDSM #consensual slave as a #submissive that is in a very deep form of submission to a Dominant (normally called a #Master/Mistress). They are normally in a real life, long term BDSM relationship. They trust their Dominant so deeply that they willingly have given up all rights to make any decisions. While they may discuss things with the Dominant on various subjects, all final decisions are made by the Dom. Even if they work outside the home, there is no such thing as a non-BDSM day. If you would like to read and gain a deeper understanding of some of the differences between a submissive and a BDSM slave. 


Slavery is defined as a state of subjugation or captivity against a person's free will. History is full of examples of slavery predating written history up to the United States in the 1800's. We have all read about the horrors inflicted on these peoples. The main difference you have to understand between a BDSM slave and one from history is that a BDSM slave gives up their rights to one person of their own free will (consensual) and a slave from ancient times did not. 


The argument was made that a person can not be a BDSM slave in reality because slavery is illegal. He went on to say that if a real person was a slave, the Master/Mistress could sell, beat, damage or even kill that slave without any consequences of the law. This is why he calls BDSM slaves and Master/slave relationships an illusion. My question is who says the definition for the words slave and slavery can't be adapted or added on to as many other words have been over the years?


Those of us, myself included, that do define themselves as a BDSM slave and our relationship as a Master/slave relationship see it as reality, not illusion. For three years, I have proudly worn the slave collar my Padrone (Master) put on my neck to show the world that yes, I am owned by Him. While there are certain similarities to ancient slavery, such as showing ownership by a collar and the titles of slave and Master, BDSM slavery is not anything like real slavery of old.


As a BDSM slave, all decisions made for me by my Padrone are done so out of a deep level of love, respect and understanding. The very foundation of a Master/slave relationship is trust, open communication, and honesty. Is the love he has for me an illusion? Is the fact that I do follow his rules and guidelines every day without question an illusion? How about the fact that I trust him and his wisdom so completely that I never say no to anything he asks of me? Are these illusions? No. They are reality. My life, our life, is definitely reality, not illusion.


I always begin or end them with the clarification that these are my own thoughts on the subject and that there are many other and diverse ways to view a particular subject. I have never said, and never will say, that anyone who's opinion differs from mine is an delusional or not living in reality, that what they think or believe is an illusion. Why? Because reality is real. My reality, my thoughts, are my own. My reality is not the same as yours. 


Just because you may not think or live the same way as the person next to you does not make their life or thoughts illusions. As we evolve and time passes, definitions of words do expand to encompass new meanings or even completely change. Remember that everyone's life is a different reality.


© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi