BDSM Information: What is Right for Me?
- Michelle Fegatofi
- Nov 15, 2016
- 3 min read
With all of the books, fictional and non-fictional, movies, blogs and other social media sites, how do you know what information to trust and follow versus things that go against the #BDSM #Lifestyle? I think you have to use your own judgment, first of all. BDSM contains many diverse #subcultures that not all people embrace.
When you are trying to find your way around the BDSM #community, especially if you are participating online only, you have to keep a very open mind and embrace those parts of BDSM that fit comfortably with your own sense of morality. You will come to notice that the rules are different in almost every group/website/forum you read and comment in.
Some groups are very formal and demand all #Dominants be called by a title of respect from the beginning and will actually kick people out for not doing so. I've seen other groups that are more like one huge 'clique' where if you have a different outlook or opinion than they do, you will be ridiculed or put out of the group. In my opinion, these are not good groups to be a part of and are not good places for a #newbie to start learning the ins and outs of BDSM. Groups/websites that promote discussion, healthy debate, and varied topics are the most informative ones to read and also to help you form your own identity on your own journey through BDSM.
If you have read fictional books or movies that have elements of S&M in them, I would highly recommend you do not use those as examples of what you want or think your own relationship should look like. These types of books usually have such ridiculous expectations that they could never hold up in a real life situation. Yes, the #sex scenes played out can be very hot, but they never give the examples of what happens if someone panics during, if a sub safewords, or if the Dom just gets a little too out of hand during a scene.
After the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy came out, so many people rushed online to 'get a BDSM experience' and you saw blog after blog pop up from people touting to be experts on the subject. I can tell you that there are many good personal blogs but there are also many that give you information that is not healthy.
I read many blogs and sites about #Kink and BDSM and make the determination if it is a viable option to pass along by one simple test. 'Does the site/blog use the basic SSC /RACK concept when giving advice about certain situations?'. If the site promotes scenes that do not meet these requirements, to me, they are not a place I would want new Doms/subs getting information from. They promote unhealthy practices and would lead newbies in the wrong direction.
The BDSM community in general is a wonderfully open and accepting world. They don't judge you for the type of kink or dynamic you practice. If you decide to exclude certain elements from your own relationship, you won't receive lectures on how you are not a 'true' bdsm practitioner. There are some basic rules every Dom/sub must abide by to ensure the safety of themselves and others.
Consent - Every act/scene/relationship has to be agreed upon by mutually consenting adults before any participation.
Trust - You should trust your chosen partner completely so neither of you suffer mentally or emotionally.
Safeword - Dominants will honor your safeword anytime you use it. Subs don't be afraid to use it if needed.
Besides my own blog, here is a list of blogs written by people that truly have great knowledge as well as integrity while offering posts on various topics written from different points of view:
While I'm sure there are many more blogs out there written by knowledgeable and responsible people, these are the ones that I always recommend when asked.
If you have any blogs you feel can help other people obtain or gain BDSM knowledge, please leave the link in the comments section!
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