© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi

BDSM Vetting: What, When, and How It’s Done



What is vetting?


The actual definition of #vetting is to make a careful and critical examination of something. To investigate thoroughly in order to ensure they have the required personality, trustworthiness, and/or loyalty required for the position.


In terms of the #BDSM world, vetting a person is a direct and somewhat fast way to get to know if a potential partner is compatible with your vision of a dynamic. The vetting process allows two people to compare wants, needs, desires, morals, limits, etc. against one another. It also helps them test the waters of the other people to get a taste of how the #Dom/#sub would react in their desired role.


When do you start the vetting process?


In most cases, when we meet or start talking with a #potential #partner, we tend to get to know that person in a more organic way. This is a form of vetting, so you could say vetting starts as soon as you start having extended conversations with that person.


We tend to allow the conversation to flow through basic questions like:


How old are you?

Where are you from?

Are you a Dom, sub, #switch?

How much experience do you have?


These questions pop up within the first 10 minutes of a conversation when someone is looking for a potential #Lifestyle partner. I believe this is a very good way to start a conversation with people because if you just meet someone and start asking the more invasive questions you would ask a Dom/sub, many, if not most, would be put off and shut you down right then.

If after talking with someone for a while and getting to know them better, you feel a #connection, then by all means move on to the more pointed questions.


How do you vet a person?


To vet a person, you get to know them. You ask pertinent questions and gather that information to form your conclusion.


Some questions you could ask a partner are:


What are their #limits?

What form of BDSM do they practice or want in a relationship?

Are they wanting a #single or multiple partner situation?

Do they practice in real life or online only?

Are they #active in the local BDSM #community?

What are their views on #safewords?

Are they a #sadist/#masochist? If so, to what degree?

What are some common #protocols they expect?

What are some examples of #punishments they use?


There are many more #questions that could and should be asked, but the ones above give you a great start.


Basically, vetting is a very in-depth way to ensure compatibility with a partner by getting to know their history, style of BDSM, and other relevant information. While vetting will definitely not ensure a successful outcome, it will help you pick and choose partners that meet up with the version of the Lifestyle you are trying to practice.


As always, be careful, stay safe, and pay attention to any red flags! If you have questions or comments, leave them below! Thanks for following!

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