BDSM vs ABUSE


I rarely post multiple things, but I have been reading a couple of follower emails and comments on various pages I contribute to. I think there is a big confusion among newbies to BDSM or D/s that do not know the difference between true #BDSM and #abuse.


I hope this helps clear it up for you. If you feel threatened in a bad way, if your #submission is forced or something about the relationship makes you think or feel bad all the time and you get no comfort from it, it is more likely abuse than an #BDSMrelationship


Telling the Difference between Consentual BDSM and  abuse:

  1. Restraints. Abusers tend to restrain their victims with fear and intimidation, not safety clips and quick releases.

  2. The availability of mentors, reference materials and technical guides.

  3. SM rarely results in facial marks or marks that are received on the forearms (defensive marks).

  4. There is usually an even pattern of marks if it is SM, indicating the bottom held quite still during the stimulation.

  5. The marks are often quite well-defined when inflicted by a toy like cane or whip, whereas in abuse there are blotches of soft-tissue bruising, randomly distributed.

  6. The common areas for SM stimulation is on the buttocks, thighs, back, breasts, or the genitals. The fleshy parts of the body can be stimulated intensely and pleasurably. 

  7. D/s is about the building of a trusting relationship between two consenting adult partners.     

  8. Abuse is about the breach of trust between an authority figure and the person in their care. 

  9. D/s is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened people.                 

  10.  Abuse is about the lack of respect that one person demonstrates to another person.

  11. D/s is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or humiliation for mutual pleasure.                                                                                                                                   

  12.  Abuse is about a form of out-of-control physical violence and/or personal or emotional degradation of the submissive. 

  13. D/s is about loving each other completely and without reservation in an alternate way.            

  14. Abuse is hurtful. It is also very damaging emotionally and spiritually to the submissive. 

  15. D/s frees a submissive from the restraints of years of vanilla conditioning to explore a buried part of herself.  

  16. Abuse binds a submissive to a lonely and solitary life of shame, fear and secrecy... imprisoning her very soul. 

  17. D/s builds self-esteem as a person discovers and embraces their long hidden sexuality.            

  18. Abuse shatters and destroys a person's self-esteem and leaves self-hatred in its place.

© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi