Every day, most of us push ourselves to do more, be more, and accomplish more. What we don’t do is have patience and self-care as much as we need to. As women and submissives, it is very common for us to feel like we are not enough, we don’t do enough, and put ourselves down. This is not good and it will definitely affect you, not only in your every day regular life, but in your submission.
I have talked about how important self-care is but I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned how we all need to have patience and respect for ourselves. I will use myself as an example. I have been dealing with various health problems over the past year and a half. If you have read any of my previous blogs, you know I have epilepsy, that was not controlled by medication, anxiety, depression, and then in January of this year, I was hit with a kidney stone as well as inflammation and infection so bad that I ended up staying in the hospital for two weeks getting pumped full of 10 huge bottles of drugs per day.
At this point, I was so aggravated and disappointed in myself because I didn’t understand that it’s not my fault. My body just did what it was going to do and I just happen to be born with the brain chemistry that caused seizures. Luckily, after many months of medication and three surgeries, I got my kidney problems under control and taken care of. During this time I also got on medication to help with seizures, but a side benefit is that it also helps me regulate my anxiety and depression. I can honestly say I feel much better and more myself than I have in a year and a half, if not a little longer.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because during this entire time, I kept blaming myself as being the cause of the medical problems I was having. When in reality, it had nothing to do with my lifestyle but just my body, DNA, or bad luck. Whatever it was it was not anything I was doing or not doing, eating or not eating, or the way I was living.
As a submissive, I always pushed myself to do everything I could to make Padrone happy, even at the expense of my own mental or physical state. Let me be clear on this point before I go any further. My Padrone, who is also my husband, has never pushed me to do anything, be anything, at any point in time. He has always told me to be patient, rest, do what I felt like doing and not to push myself.
Did I listen? Sometimes, but most of the time, no. Is that being a disrespectful sub? I didn’t see it that way because when I did things to make him more comfortable or make him happier, it made me happy even if it caused stress on my brain or body. It’s difficult to understand if you’ve never dealt with anxiety, depression, or seizures.
You can think of the situation as Catch-22. You have things that you want to do and know it will make your partner happy, but on the other hand you are in a mental or physical state that will not allow you to do it comfortably. So what do you do? Do you make your partner happy or do you relax until you are physically or mentally able to perform whatever task it is? If your partner does not pressure you, but you are constantly pressuring yourself to do things that you just are not ready to do, and I’m not talking about sex, what do you do?
In my case, I always pushed myself. There are many times where I would cook, clean house, help get Padrone ready for work, but at the same time I was feeling dizzy, tired, anxious, and any other number of things. There were times that I pushed myself so hard in trying to be a good submissive, or what I thought was a good submissive, that I would have a seizure later because of the stress it caused on my brain and/or body from doing whatever the task had been.
This is where having patience and respect for yourself comes in. Yes it is a part of self-care but it is something that a lot of us don’t do. No, I’m not saying to try to top your Dom from the bottom. I am definitely not saying disobey orders simply because you don’t want to do whatever was asked of you. I am saying try to learn your limits. If you need to take a step back from cleaning and take an hour or two and just read, sleep, or rest, do it. If you need to have a conversation with your Dominant to set up actual times on a schedule because your life is just very hectic, do that.
One of the hardest conversations I had with Padrone was admitting to him that I needed help. In the USA, I had been on a lot of different types of epilepsy medication and nothing worked. There were so many side effects that they either altered my mood, made me gain weight, made me lose a lot of hair, made me have more seizures, or other side effects that were just as bad. So for the past nine years, I have refused to go to Italian epilepsy specialists to try and see if they could do anything different. Well 10 years makes a huge difference in the world of medical advancement.
I’m now on two different medications for my seizures and so far I am a lot better. Not only is my mental and emotional state more stable, but I’m having less to almost no seizures in the past few months. In 2020, I was having more than one per day and sometimes they were very bad. What a difference it makes when you find the right medication to help you.
I’m finally starting to be more consistent with my exercise because my mental and emotional states are reverting back to my normal. My normal is different from your normal because we are all different people. But, I’m not feeling anxious to go outside. I’m not feeling nervous or depressed because of the future. It’s also helped me get my creativity back so now I’m writing again as well as playing around with digital art. I’ve never been that creative with drawing or digital art before, but I’m giving it a try.
As far as being a submissive, my submission suffered in the past year and a half and there were many times where I was despondent, disrespectful, or just straight out ignored Padrone. I was in such a bad mental place that was the result of where I was at that time.
So now I have finally gotten the professional help I need, but I am also learning to be patient with myself and respect my body and my mind and to listen to it. Submission is not just about following orders. It’s so much more. It encompasses not just physical but mental and emotional health as well.
Hopefully my continuing blog posts help you if you are struggling. I was definitely struggling and I still do at times. There’s always going to be a time were you just can’t. Those are the times where you need to learn to take a step back, breathe and relax. That’s what I have had to learn and I am still learning.
If you have any comments or questions please leave them down below. If you want to talk to me in private or have a question, you can reach me through the website or email me at michellefegatofi@gmail.com.