Deadly Sins in a BDSM Relationship


New people tend to want to jump in head first into a BDSM relationship without having any clue what will make them happy or really having even the most basic understand of a true M/s or D/s relationship.


Each time I shake my head and tell myself "here is another one with no clue". It is a relationship that always ends up in heartbreak.


After being inundated with several questions about various do's and don'ts in a BDSM relationship, I decided pose a question to my FB audience asking them what they thought would be a Deadly Sin in a BDSM relationship.


Here is an amalgamation of the answers:

  • Dishonesty - outright lying, with holding information of any kind, being fake about likes or responses

  • Disrespect - topping from the bottom, talking about your Dom in a bad way to others

  • Infidelity - taking orders from other Dominants, flirting or interacting with others without permission

  • Not taking care of yourself properly

  • Not using a safe word

  • Not communicating openly

  • Topping from the bottom

Now, after reading the list, you are thinking that many of the items listed are the same things you should not do in any type of relationship, vanilla or #BDSM. That is true. But, in our world, committing any of these 'sins', can cause a deeper wound just from the fact that our connections tend to be deeper than those in a vanilla relationship.


Many people will take anything. This is a statement that applies equally to both #dominant and submissive people. When you see what happens, especially online, you will agree with this sentiment. People #submit to one simply because he says he is a "Dom" (or #Master). It never occurs to them to question the validity of what this person is truly about. They simply take the statements as fact and whatever the Dom does or says as Law. 


Why do I call this list "Deadly Sins"? Because, as a #submissive, every 'sin' could be grounds for a harsh punishment, or if bad enough, your #collar taken away. As a Dominant, these could cause your sub to lose trust in you and your fellow Dominants to lose all respect for you.


The online world is wrought with fakes, pretenders, and disappointment. We all encounter the same thing. Persistence is something that is required. Some are fortunate to hit what they like the first time; most are not. It takes a while to sift through all that doesn't work before finding what does. #BDSMrelationships are built on a foundation of #trust, #respect, and open communication. That includes many branches, such as not lying, respecting your role and not overstepping your bounds.


So, bottom line, don't commit any of the 'Deadly Sins' and always keep communications open and honest.

© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi