Dealing with Frustration in BDSM



In every relationship it’s normal to get #frustrated with your #partner sometimes. But, in a BDSM dynamic, as a submissive/slave, we feel that we do not have the right to be frustrated and we have to endure whatever feelings we are having in silence. That is not correct. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, being submissive does not mean being a doormat!

I’ve been reading for the past few months about many submissives/slaves who are new to the lifestyle and constantly frustrated with their dominant for various reasons. To me, it seems like the main cause for the frustration is a lack of communication between the two parties. In the lifestyle, we always say that #communication is key, along with trust and consent. Those are the three pillars that any #BDSM #dynamic is built on.


I’ve also read in these same groups that #Dominants are increasingly frustrated from the behavior and acting out of their #submissives/slaves. Many Doms complain that they’re not getting listened to, their directions are not being followed, the subs/slaves are acting out just to get punishment or attention. The #key question that should be asked is why is the #sub acting out or not following directions. What is making them feel like they need to go against their very nature to act out and frustrate their dominant. There could be many answers to this question, but the answer needs to be found.

How do we have the very #difficult conversation about our inner most #frustrations? As a submissive, we feel scared to go to our Dominants to tell them what is bothering us. We think that we are either burdening them with our problems; we try to solve the problem on our own and keep going in circles; or we just try to ignore it. But #ignoring the problem, the very thing that is causing the frustration, will not make it go away. I know it’s extremely difficult to have a conversation with your dominant about something in your relationship that you want to change or you don’t like, because you’re afraid that the dominant will get even more angry or frustrated with you and possibly end the dynamic. That is the main reason I hear from so many people as to why they do not communicate more openly with their Dominant. But, for your own #emotional and #mental #health, it’s better to get the problem out there, so you can at least make an effort to resolve the problem that is frustrating you and probably frustrating your dominant at the same time.


Dominants, if you are having an extremely frustrating time with your submissive/#slave, make sure you sit down and pinpoint exactly what is bothering you in a calm and constructive way. Most issues, when addressed as adults and peers outside the roles of BDSM, can be worked out. If it is an issue that continuously comes up between you two, then you probably need to seek outside counseling if you want to continue the relationship. But first, I encourage you to sit down and reevaluate the terms of your contract and relationship. If you don’t have a contract, this will be the perfect time to sit down and write out what you want out of the relationship as well as to allow your submissive to write what they expect from you. This way, it will help both parties to not get frustrated from things that are avoidable. Of course, little things are going to come up that are going to be annoying or frustrating, but at least with a contract major issues should be avoidable.


Hopefully, I’ve given you some tips and hints that will make getting your dynamics back online easier. If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below. As always, thanks for reading and following!


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