Many people today meet online, vanilla and BDSMers alike. On the internet, you tend to feel safer and more comfortable when chatting with different people you might be interested in. Sometimes we forget about safety, however. Today's post stress that importance and gives you some tips to think about before setting up that first meeting. If you have any more tips to share, please do!
In BDSM like in anything else in real life, there are people that are in the lifestyle for the wrong reasons. For those of us in the Lifestyle, trust cannot be bought with money. The only way build trust is through discussion, negotiation and time. If a partner wants money or expensive gifts up front, beware! If you want to pay for services (being dominated or Dominating), go see a professional Dominant. Do not discuss any financial matters until you have established trust and a solid relationship. If you find a good partner, and you build trust between you, make it a pleasant surprise that you are wealthy. If you flash your money before you build that trust, you will find a partner, but he or she may be with you for the wrong reasons.
The biggest danger is physical harm and/or death. Not everyone is out to hurt and kill people, but some people are. Most meetings go very well, but the dangers are very real. Submissive women are often seen as easy prey because their submissive nature can be manipulated to allow for abuse by someone who knows how. Physical vulnerability can be easily utilized by an unscrupulous person and either permanently physically harm you, or outright kill you.
Make sure you have gotten references about the person you are meeting and checked them BEFORE you meet.
Don't ignore basic safety measures. There are people out there who are simply predators, and the person you are meeting may be wonderful online and the phone, but admit you don't really know him, and protect yourself until you do. Never divert from your planned itinerary on a first meeting. You planned that schedule so people could find you...if you leave it, they can't. Stay where you said you would be, when you set up your security, and resist, to the point of running away, any attempt by your partner to take you away.
Inform a close friend of where you will be and with whom. Give your friend a good description of the person you are meeting in case this is needed by authorities later. Give them the make, model and license plate number of car the person you are meeting will be driving. Leave a copy of this information out in a very visible area in your home as well, just in case it is needed by authorities later.
Set up safe calls with your friend. These are set times that you are supposed to call your friend and let them know that you are all right. If you miss your set time to call, the safe person should attempt to reach you, if they cannot, then they should be instructed to call the authorities. This goes for both doms and subs.
Numerous articles have been written about this where to meet. Every single article will stress the importance of safety. The choice of the place to meet should be during daylight hours in a public venue, where both people feel safe and at ease. Choose a restaurant or a coffee shop. You will be able to have some kind of privacy sitting at a table while you still are among people. If you choose a restaurant, make it not too expensive, but again, avoid greasy spoon places or restaurant chains (too many kids and commotion for a good discussion). A quiet, not too expensive place should do.
DO NOT PLAY! On the first real life meeting, you want to take the time to get to know your potential partner. Playing will only satisfy a sexual urge and may cloud your judgment. Realistically, many people do play on the first meeting. It is similar to the "one night stand" of vanilla relationships. Some people are only looking for a one night stand and not a committed relationship. Be sure that your desires for the relationship match your prospective partners. If play is a possibility, a play list or scene negotiation form should be used.
Remember, most meetings go very well, but there have been some incidences where the meetings did not go well and someone got hurt and/or killed. You are solely responsible for your own safety in these situations. Use common sense and you will find meeting people to be a more pleasurable experience.