Humiliation in BDSM


Although we don't talk much about it, Humiliation in the BDSM world is a normal and widely used tool Dominants use as psychological play with their submissives, although it is a powerful but often misunderstood aspect the BDSM Lifestyle.


Humiliation is defined as a consensual psychological act in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal. This can be for the person being humiliated and demeaned or for the person humiliating, or for some spectator. Because different people have different emotional triggers, the range of activities involved in humiliation play is huge, and what one person finds embarrassing another person might not react at all to.


Humiliation can be used as a training tool, #punishment or in a playful way, depending on how the dominant decides to utilize it. The first rule of humiliation should be the cooperation of the submissive. Just as every Dominant is not the same, neither are submissives. Make sure that humiliation play/punishment/training is not on the submissive's Hard Limit's List.


Humiliation can be in the forms of verbal, mental, or physical. At its core erotic humiliation is about using embarrassment, fear and shame. It’s also important to note that humiliation and dominance are not exactly the same thing. Humiliation doesn’t always involve being ordered about. Strict humiliation without dominance is when words and actions are used to belittle not to dominate.


Verbal humiliation can mean the use of words like slut or whore; being mocked, ridiculed or have appearance belittled; asking permission to eat, to go to the bathroom or to have an orgasm; not allowing sub to leave the dungeon or house; treated like a pet or an object; being treated or scolded like a child; made to use honorifics such as #Master, #Mistress, #Sir, Ma’am or Daddy.


Physical aspects of humiliation can be; being slapped or #spanked; having movements restricted; #orgasm #denial or orgasm on demand; sexual denial by command or use of chastity device; enforced dress code (i.e.: forced cross dressing) or required to wear nothing; deprival of privacy such as being watched using the toilet; requiring to wear collar; performing acts of body worship; performing tasks or acts of service; public humiliation; being used as furniture; being ejaculated on or spit on; used as a human toilet; cuckolding; performing sexual acts without reciprocation. 


Extreme humiliation is called degradation. It can involve a wide range of activities, such as human toilet play. The #boundary between degradation and humiliation is unclear. It has been suggested that degradation can have a more long-lasting negative affect on a victim’s mind than humiliation, and so it is often beyond people’s limits of what is acceptable.


To a large extent, what is humiliating or degrading is quite individual and varies a lot from person to person. Animal play is seen by some as degrading, but people into pup play would totally disagree. The same goes for age play, exhibitionism, crossdressing, servitude and pretty much everything else on the list. One person’s “humiliating” is not necessarily another’s.


Humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner, especially if it is public humiliation. Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of #edgeplay.


It’s important to understand that #erotic #humiliation and #degradation is based firmly on consent. If there is no consent then it is abusive. This doesn’t have to be consent given in that exact moment, it could be an agreement between partners of Consensual Non-Consent. But it HAS to be there.


Whatever your thoughts on Humiliation, just ensure there is total consent and understanding from your partner before embarking on this as a form of play, punishment, or training.

If you have any thoughts or comments you would like to share on the subject, leave them below. 

© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi