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Jealousy in a D/s Relationship

Becoming a true submissive is a process.

Even if you feel you were born to #serve a #Dominant, there are going to be areas that are going to be very difficult at times. One of these areas is in regard to jealousy. When you give yourself to a Dominant, you are telling him that you belong to him and that you are entrusting him with your well-being... physically, mentally, and emotionally. Although this sounds incredibly romantic, it can also be very difficult. It means you must, at times, sacrifice your wants and needs for the wants and needs of your Dominant.

Jealousy is a negative emotion and can cause a great deal of trouble in a relationship. #Jealousy can rip a relationship apart if it gets out of control and may cause you to lose your partner. Losing them is the very thing we are most afraid of when we are jealous, is it not?

You have the right to feel jealous. How you express that #emotion is another matter. You don't have the right to control another's actions with jealousy. Do not #attack your partner out of jealousy. Express your feelings in a positive manner.

A good Dominant/#submissive #relationship is one in which there is a lot of communication. Much of this communication should take place before you actually make any kind of commitment to the relationship. There are certain rules that should be established ahead of time. Whereas some Dominants are happy with one submissive, there are others who desire more than one submissive. This is something you should discuss with your Dominant ahead of time, especially if you are prone to jealousy.

Jealousy might seem like a sign of love. But when someone uses it to try to control what you do, this isn't love or submission - it's control. Everyone has the right to talk to anyone they want to. It also isn't in keeping with the tradition of being a submissive to use jealousy to control another's actions.

Jealousy, in and of itself, is not wrong. Jealousy is a natural emotion. What causes the problem is how we act upon the jealousy that we are feeling. Jealousy can cause people to act out in very unbecoming ways. For a submissive, such acting out can mean the end of the relationship with her Dominant.

No one should purposely #provoke jealousy in a partner. That is a dangerous game to play. It is the Doms job to create an atmosphere of safety for his submissive and a submissive should never provoke jealousy in her Dom as it is her job to demonstrate that she is loyal and cannot be had by another who happens along.

Giving yourself to a Dominant means trusting him to always keep you safe and to keep your well-being in mind. This doesn't mean you will always agree with him. This doesn't mean you will always enjoy certain things. What it does mean is that as long as you are committed to the relationship, you will trust him and the decisions that he makes.

As long as you are consumed by the negative energy of jealousy, it is unlikely that any positive resolution will be possible. You must let go of your own suffering, step back and examine the relationship in depth, and then make a reasoned response. Only once the emotion has been defused, can clear thinking become possible.

Never be afraid to ask your Dominant questions... especially in the beginning. It can be very easy to overlook certain warning signs if you are very taken in by a Dominant's many attributes. If you do care for your relationship and want to keep the relationship on track and moving in a positive direction, then use a NAME statement to address the behavior. 

The NAME statement shows respect for your partner and is very specific. This kind of communication puts the emphasis on what you see and what you feel, not on blame toward your partner. 

N - name the specific behavior that you find causes you to feel jealous

A - announce the specific setting … time & place the behavior occurred

M - mention your reaction & the feeling it arouses in you

E - explain and own your feelings

Most of all, always be open and honest with your partner and keep the lines of communication open. 

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