Now that the Christmas season is over, I’ve noticed that traffic is picking back up in Lifestyle related groups, as well as on my own sites. There’s been a mix of old and new people coming together to discuss BDSM subjects. One recurring theme I have seen pop up a couple of times over the past few weeks is the phrase “My Dominant/Master knows me better than I know myself”. This made me stop and think. I have seen this phrase used by mainly newer subs that are in online only relationships. That’s why this phrase stood out and bugged me so much.
Could this be true? I know my #Padrone knows my moods, likes, wants, needs, and even health related problems inside out, because we’ve been together for 6 1/2 years now. But, I can’t honestly say that he knows me better than I know myself. Even as close as we are in thoughts, morals, and personal likes and interests, there is still no way he can know me better than I know me. The reason is simple. He is not a mind reader. While he comes extremely close most of the time, it’s because we’ve been together for so long and communicate well. When we have disagreements and I get emotional, there’s no way he could have any idea about what is going through my head.
You are probably wondering why such a simple phrase could get me so aggravated. Here’s why. I’ve read many posts where a new #submissive will say that she’s in a relationship with her Dominant and they have no limits. The #Dominant will end up taking over large portions of the sub’s life and giving her rules and boundaries that do not take into account her own personal needs or preferences. These Dominants usually end up leaving the sub before 6 months and the sub is left feeling broken. The submissives end up blaming themselves for everything that went wrong because they really thought that the Dominant knew them better than themselves and they gave up who they were to please that person.
In a relationship, there will always be learning curves and compromises. Especially in a #BDSMdynamic, a Limits list is the minimum a new couple should fill in. I really encourage you to fill in a contract as well. Why? Because this will ensure that everybody in the relationship is on the same page. Contracts can and should be reviewed and revised as the relationship progresses. Things change in time.
A bottom, no matter what title they go by, should always maintain a sense of self, even when in the depths of consensual slavery. Why? Because we are human beings first. We are all individuals. No two people are exactly alike in their thinking or preferences. That’s impossible. Even identical twins have different personalities.
What I’m saying is that even if your Dominant/Master is very good in predicting/understanding your moods/needs, it doesn’t mean that they know exactly what is in your heart and soul. They will never be able to know you better than you do, especially if you pay attention to your body and mind.
Protect yourself and make sure you take care of your own self first because in doing so, you can take better care of your Dominant/Master.
Thoughts? Please leave us a comment below!