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Q&A Topics - A Shy Submissive, Broken Trust, and Sub drop

It follows Thanksgiving weekend in the USA. We celebrated it here in Italy also with lots of cooking and eating! Real life has been hectic the past week with the holidays and decorating for Christmas. Sorry for being late, but I think the wait was worth it! This week's topic's cover "A Shy Submissive", "Broken Trust", and "Sub drop".

Question #1) "Being painfully #shy and also a single #submissive it is difficult to find the courage to get out and meet people like myself. I became a ghost writer to be able to tell my stories to the world and am just now trying my hand at Erotic Romance... Though I am computer savvy I don't care much for the #BDSM online scene at all, with chat rooms being like one big feeding ground. Is there any hope for me? I am on #Fetlife following the local groups, but haven't spoken to anyone yet. Any advice for me?"

If you want a real life experience or relationship, I suggest start looking for a local Munch in your area. If you are too shy to go on your own, ask a friend to go with you. If that's not an option, contact the #Munch organizer, tell her/he you're new and ask if he/she could introduce you around and help you get comfortable. 

If you are only wanting to stay online for now, I suggest finding and joining several submissive support and education groups. Stay, watch and see if it's the type of group you want to be involved in. When you are comfortable, start participating. Many of these groups are great ways to learn more about the BDSM #lifestyle by reading the different Q&As in them. 

Question #2) "I am writing you because I need guidance and behavior tips and overall help. I'm totally new to dom/sub lifestyle . I have recently started dating my adorable dom and he was very honest from the beginning and explained that he was interested in a sub lady .. At first didn't know what he was talking about when I researched I was totally amused thinking that that is what I been looking for in alll my failed relationships.. We talked and I told him that I am willing to explore my #sub side and so far we great !!! Now few weeks ago my ex was in a messed up situation and he asked me to stay in my house for few days. I did agree but never consulted my #dom ..Now he refused to leave an broke the door ....I explained what happened to my dom. And he went mad and saying that u have disrespected him and he has lost all the trust he had in me. we really care for each other and I can see him as my long term dom. The incident with my ex is all resolved as I called the police an he left.:... My prob now is that I really want to show my dom that I am his ....I belong to him I always did. I was only trying to help someone. Just want to be the woman he needs and for him see me as the woman he wants. How can I achieve it?"

The first mistake was not telling your Dom about your ex staying at your house. Whether in a BDSM or #vanilla #relationship, this omission is considered lying. Without trust and honesty, there can be no relationship. The first thing you should have done before agreeing to anything was to tell your #Dominant the situation and ask his permission for the ex to stay. When you didn't ask his permission and hid the situation completely, you broke the trust. I don't have any magic answers or advice for this situation, unfortunately. It's completely up to your Dom to decide if he wants to take a second chance on a relationship with you. If he does or if you enter into a new D/s relationship, make sure that you have all rules, #protocols and limits written down in a formal contract so you each know what to expect from the other. If you ever have a doubt on whether to ask your Dom something or not, always ask him. It's better to ask than hide something. Good luck either way.

Question #3) "How to recognize sub drop when it is occurring and how to deal when one is alone with sub drop because their Dom can't physically be there for them."

#SubDrop can come in many different forms. Sub Drop is the emotional and physical effects of the release and drop of endorphins in the body after a play session. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produced a trance-like state (subspace), as play ends the submissive may feel out-of-body, detached from reality. As the sub's system stops producing morphine-like drugs, and as the nervous system kicks in again, the sub may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop in temperature, as well as incoherence and uncoordinated. You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of Sub Drop for weeks after an intense session.

There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.

  • Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.

  • Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.

  • Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.

  • Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.

  • Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.

I hope you enjoyed this week's topics. If you have additional information you want to share, please leave a comment below!

If you have a question you want answered or a situation you need advice on, please send me an email to

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