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Q&A Topics - Emotional Domme, Dominant reverts to Vanilla, and Partner with Health Issues

This week's Talk Tuesday topics cover "Dealing with Emotions as a Domme", "Dominant changes back to Vanilla", and "Dealing with Health Issues". I hope you find the questions interesting and informative.

Question #1) "How do I take the #emotion out. The first time when he cried I shed a few tears. I didn't let him know. I've not been at the level of #dominance before. But I am loving it."

Since I am a #submissive #slave, I asked a very good friend of mine who is an experienced Domme to answer. Lady Hecate from 'Who says you need to take the emotion out? One of our greatest set backs is our minds telling us the way things ought to be. I call nonsense on that. You are clearly a wonderful #Domme as you are. If you are unaffected by the emotion of the situation, it would take away from the experience both for you and your submissive. Allow yourself to be caught up in the moment and swept away. You do not need to be a robot to be an effective Domme. In fact, it makes you a better one. Finally, I suggest that you show him next time this happens. It will only strengthen your connection.

Question #2) "What is the best way to handle your #Master changing back to #vanilla out of the blue and refusing to help you deal with the sudden change?"

Since I don't have any background or context for this question, I am going to be making a couple of assumptions. Did you notice any gradual changes in behavior such as lessening in tasks, loosening of rules or not following up with corrections/punishments if needed? I would ask him what is wrong. If he refuses to answer, you need to decide if you want to stay with him if you want to have a #BDSM #relationship and he only wants vanilla. If you #love him more than you need to have a D/s relationship, you have to find a compromise to be happy. I recommend evaluating your own feelings and priorities as well as your life situation and then decide how to proceed from there. In the meantime, connect with #groups and friends for support to vent your frustrations. Lean on them and ask for advice on specific situations if you need. 

Question #3) "I am also interested in more information and resources for submissives who have disabilities. Now that I am dealing with this sciatica will I be accepted by a Dom. Is there a place for me in the lifestyle?"

There are many different types of relationships in the BDSM #community that involve people with different disabilities and health problems. While it does affect the way that couple practices BDSM, it does not exclude anyone from the Lifestyle. I have and deal with Epilepsy on a very regular basis. With it comes certain #conditions that can hit me at irregular intervals. My Padrone (Master) has learned to deal with these situations and we have tailored our M/s relationship around my epilepsy. The main recommendation I would give is to be very upfront and open with any potential partners about all medical conditions that can or will affect certain aspects of a BDSM relationship. Also remember that not all BDSM relationships include S&M. If there are physical conditions that prevent S&M #play, then find a partner that is willing to practice a more mental or softer kind of BDSM. 

If any of you have any additional comments or websites that would add to the above conversations, please leave a comment below!

If you have questions that you like help with on any aspect of the BDSM Lifestyle, please send them to

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