Welcome to BDSM Unveiled's Talk Tuesday! Every week we try to bring you questions that are not normally asked in an effort to help broaden your Lifestyle knowledge. We have a very diverse set of questions for you once again! This week's topics cover 'Safety for first Meetings', '24/7 Switches', and 'Ending an M/s Relationship'.
Question #1) "I have been talking to a Dom online and I want to meet him for a playdate. I have read all kinds of things about safety and want to know what you think about safety protocols?"
Before you play, I would suggest you meet him just for coffee or something first in a public place. Get to know him more in person before playing. If you can, get a couple of references from other well known #Lifestyle members that can vouch for him. You also want to make sure you get the type of car he drives and the license plate beforehand. Write this information down, along with the full name and phone number and give it to a friend in case anything happens to you.
When you do meet him for a play date, make sure you have a couple of safe calls set up. That is where you call a friend at a certain time to let them know you are ok. Most of all, pay attention to your own instincts. If something seems off with the guy, it probably is and I recommend you cut all contact with him. Many times we will ignore our own instincts to our own peril.
Question #2) "My partner and I are both switches and new to #BDSM. We take turns during sex being the dom/sub. If we wanted to live the lifestyle outside of the bedroom, how would that work?"
First, you have to both fill out and agree on what the limits, rules, and protocols will be for each of you when you are in the sub role. Next, I suggest using an alternating schedule with 2 vanilla days in between in order to be able to switch roles more clearly. An example would be 5 days D/s #roles, 2 days #vanilla, #switch roles and do another 5 days.
In order to help each of you get into your correct head space for the role you are taking on that week (#Dom/#sub), establish a protocol that is symbolic for each of you. You can do something like having the sub kneel before the Dom and placing the collar around the neck while the dom says something significant that affirms the dominant's role at the same time. You might also want to think about establishing a mini uncollaring ceremony in order to help each of you transition out of your roles.
If you feel like you want to go longer or have less days in between, that will be something you will change as you both grow more comfortable with your schedules and roles.
Question #3) "I want to end the relationship with my #Master but he says I can't until he wants to call it off. How can I end the relationship with him since I am the slave?"
First of all, you can end the relationship anytime you wish. If you have a contract or not, you are not bound by anything legal to stay with him. I suggest you tell him point blank that you are formally ending your relationship and will no longer serve him as his slave. If you are living together, you need to make arrangements to leave. If you are both involved with a BDSM community, I suggest you ask another dominant to sponsor or protect you until you are sure you are free from this guy. Most of all, be careful. If you think he is abusive or will be abusive, I suggest a restraining order. BDSM #slavery is freely given and taken away. You are in no way at all bound to him, unless you choose to be. Just remember that no matter what he tries to tell you.
I hope you learned something new and that the Q&A helped you with one of your own Lifestyle questions.
If you are having a problem or just want advice on a BDSM related question, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. All questions answered anonymously!