When a BDSM Relationship Ends


The breakup of any relationship is difficult, but when dealing with a D/s or M/s #dynamic, it is even harder.


The couple was probably both very emotionally invested in the relationship, on a much deeper level than a #vanilla one.


From a #submissive's point of view, breakups can often feel devastating. The submissive will feel alone, isolated, and scared. She will most likely not understand how to proceed on her own because she was so used to following orders and not making huge decisions.


How does a submissive recover from something like that? What are the next steps?


First, you have to grieve.


Allow yourself the time to cry and morn the loss of your relationship. Don't keep the grief bottled up inside without acknowledging the #pain, hurt, and disappointment. Accept the #relationship is #over and don't dwell on the 'what ifs'. Don't repeatedly go over things in your head of what could have been. Don't put yourself down as not having been good enough as a sub. Accept, morn, and get ready to move forward.


Second, take time for yourself.


After the first week or so, you have to move forward with your life. After going through such an experience, you need to take some 'you' time. Take a couple of days or a week to just breath. Get your head together, take walks, focus on other things besides relationships. Try to read or watch things not #BDSM related. If you do, it will likely cause a memory or reaction and send you backwards, into the grieving phase again. The idea behind taking this time for yourself is to help you move forward as a stronger person. You may be submissive, but that doesn't make you weak. Surround yourself with only things that make you happy, whether that is eating ice cream, drinking coffee, playing with animals, or sleeping.


Third, get back out there and live!


This is probably the hardest step. You have grieved and taken some much needed 'you time'. Now it's time to start going out again. Invest the time to make sure you know yourself well, know what you want in a future relationship, and have your #limits in place. Go with friends to a club, out to dinner or drinks. Find your local #Munch and slowly ease back into the lifestyle. Maybe try some online sites such as Fetlife.com or others. Just get back out there. It's normal to be cautious and smart. Don't jump into a relationship quickly. But, don't allow the hurt and pain from your past relationships to interfere with new possibilities. 


Even though a BDSM relationship ending is extremely emotional and painful, it doesn't mean it's the end for you. There can be a happily ever after. You just have to wait and be patient. It will come to you when you least expect it. 


Share your thoughts or tips on getting through a BDSM relationship breakup in the comments below. 


© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi