Why Being Health Conscious should be a Part of Every BDSM Dynamic


If this is the first time you have read any of my blogs, you wouldn’t know that we are in our second year of getting fit while continuing to practice a 24/7 Master/slave BDSM dynamic. Although I have written, and continue to write, about specific topics related to Dominance and submission in general, I have started sharing things about how our dynamic has changed and evolved with the added facet of pursuing a healthier lifestyle. You may be surprised at just how much health and fitness can affect a dynamic such as ours and how they are related.


As a consensual BDSM slave, I have many tasks and duties that I perform on a daily basis. Along with taking care of myself, I also do a lot to take care of my Padrone (Master) and ensure that I’m making his life as easy as possible when and where I can. After he came out of the hospital last year, we had to figure out what he could eat that would stay within the restrictions of the doctor’s guidelines but also be something that he actually wanted to consume.


Personally, I have never liked cooking or had much interest in doing so. I was always intimidated by hot surfaces, grease, and using knives. Now that I have had to get creative with food in order to keep my Padrone happy and healthy, I have overcome most of my phobias in the kitchen or found a way around them. I actually enjoy trying and inventing new dishes for him to eat. I admit many of my experiments are one-offs and some even come out inedible, but at least now I am trying. I consider cooking a new skill that I never would have learned if I had not been in the type of relationship I am in. It’s still much easier to order out or microwave some frozen dinner than making food from scratch.


If you are new or newer to the world of BDSM, I imagine you were drawn to it either by a movie or book you saw, or pictures on the internet you came across. As you dove more into the Lifestyle, you had a strong sense that it involved 90% sex and 10% dominance and submission. You also may have been tempted to pass yourself off as a Dom or sub without even understanding exactly what those roles meant. If you did, you’re not alone. Many people do this and usually realize really quickly there’s a whole world that they haven’t even scratched at the surface of.


Why am I saying this and what does it have to do with the stuff I was talking about earlier? It’s simple. I am trying to help you broaden your thoughts of what exactly a D/s or M/s relationship can include. There is so much more to it than just rules, sex, punishments, and tasks. Yes, I realize that for many, if not most, couples practicing their version of the Lifestyle don’t live it in a 24/7 way as we do. But, understanding that simple daily chores such as health and exercise, cooking, cleaning, and other normal life tasks can be seen as part of a anyone’s dynamic.


I was not a fan of getting healthy, nor did I see that it had any relation to BDSM, until I stayed sick all the time and my Padrone ended up in the hospital because of our poor eating habits and non-existent exercise routines. Once we started our Get Fit journey together, it definitely became a huge part of our relationship.


In much of my past in the BDSM world, I never saw it as a responsibility or duty of a submissive and Dominant to take care of themselves as best they could. I never connected maintaining one’s health as something that a good Dominant or submissive should do as a rule. Why not? Because it was never a priority in my life or in any of my past relationships.


We talk about how a Dominant or submissive has to be their best before they can serve their partner 100%. Now I have a deeper appreciation for that statement. Since I have turned my health around, lost weight and eliminated many of the problems that being very overweight caused, I see it as a duty to my Padrone and to myself to ensure that I stay as healthy as I can. Let me put it another way: if I stay sick or constantly don’t feel good because of my own actions and choices, how can I focus my attention on my Padrone (where it should be) when I’m always focused on myself because of health problems caused by bad eating habits and not exercising? The answer is that I really can’t.


After both of us have transformed our bodies and even our minds towards a healthier lifestyle many things have changed for the better. Our emotional and mental health have improved. Our sex life has dramatically increased. We aren’t always complaining about not feeling well and therefore, staying in an almost constant bad mood. Yes, we both still have some health issues, but many of them have disappeared by simply adding moderate daily exercise and changing our diets.


While I understand many of you reading this will be angry by my point of view and may try to accuse me of fat shaming/body shaming, etc, let me stop you right now. I am NOT talking about how much a person weighs or what size they wear. I am talking about living a healthy lifestyle that suits your body and keeps you healthy so that you can focus on your role and commit to it 100% instead of worrying about your own problems.


Hopefully this post has helped broaden your view of what BDSM involves but also allowed you to realize that we all have the responsibility of being the best we can health-wise because we bear the responsibility of taking care of our partner.




© 2018 by Michelle Fegatofi