Recently I was diagnosed with a very bad case of acid reflux called Gerds.
I found out that the worst of it could be controlled by changing what and how I eat. I looked at it as a lifestyle change, not a diet. To me, diet is another word for "get skinny" and that was not my goal. My goal was, and is, to eat but not be sick or have that nasty burning feeling all the time.
So, I went back to my longer walks and this new way of eating. I can't have fried foods, chocolate, most stuff with tomato in it, most juices, anything with caffeine (coffee, tea, soda) and much more. To keep the acid from not working, I have to eat small meals around the clock when I am awake. If I eat too much I get the reflux. If I don't always have a little something in my stomach, I get reflux. Get the picture?
I write and try to teach women to love themselves as they are, no matter what their size or how much they weigh. As long as you are healthy and feel good, don't let society dictate your happiness or give you a complex about your body.
So, in the first two weeks I lost 4 pounds just because of the different eating patterns and the extra long walks. That's when I fell into the numbers trap!
I started thinking, "If I could lose 10 pounds, I would look so much better" and "If I can continue to lose 2 or more pounds a week I will be even better". I have been so busy with the new book, websites, and my overall life and slave duties to Padrone that I didn't even realize my brain had started creeping back into that old way of thinking.
That old way of thinking wasn't good for me. It made me always doubt myself and how beautiful and good I look just as I am. It broke my confidence and almost broke me. My Padrone Marco slowly broke me of that and helped me learn and gain confidence in my own body to know I'm fine exactly as I am.
So, tonight was the night I had picked to weigh myself to see if I had in fact lost more weight. I felt my clothes fitting differently since I had been walking more, so doesn't that mean I should have lost weight? NOT! It turns out I have not lost any new weight, but in fact gained 1 pound back. It's not a lot, I know. But, if you have fallen in the numbers trap then it is a huge deal to you! I almost freaked! I got off the scale and was really getting pissed at myself.
Right then Padrone's training kicked in. That's when I remembered. I remembered how much Padrone makes me feel wanted. I remembered how good I think I looked in my clothes just the night before. I remember how much I actually like my curvy, hourglass shape. I thought to myself then and there "What the heck am I doing?!"
I had let myself fall back into that old way of thinking and look at what it almost did to me! I vowed I would never go back to that self-pitying place again, nor would I ever think I am anything less that fabulous! Because, you know what, there is only one me so that means I am perfect in my own skin, just as I am.
Yes, I will continue to eat the new way because it has almost completely wiped out the reflux, and boy does hurt like hell and burn when it acts up! I will also keep up my walks because my dog and I both enjoy them. But, I will not get on the scale, nor will I worry about how much I actually weigh.
You might ask why I shared this? It's because I hope none of you fall victim to the numbers game or back into that black, endless hole of self-doubt about your body. If you have, STOP IT!